


All the Stage is a World

by Captain of the Seven Skies (Rikkamaru), Rikkamaru



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Allen Walker and Red are different people, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-28 05:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12599452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikkamaru/pseuds/Captain%20of%20the%20Seven%20Skies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikkamaru/pseuds/Rikkamaru
Summary: Red and Allen are sort-of twins. No one knows how to deal with it.





	All the Stage is a World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NotNecessarilyinBetween](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotNecessarilyinBetween/gifts).



> I wrote this two years ago, but decided to post it as a weird, world-exploring crack one-shot because I can't think of anything else to add to it.

“Have you figured out why the days are repeating themselves yet?” he asked Lenalee idly as they wandered around the town, waving at a few of the people he recognized who hesitantly waved back at the strange boy they couldn’t remember from previous days.

They were heading vaguely close to the circus tent this time, Allen’s arm tingling as they grew closer in a feeling familiar yet surprising considering their location. A knife-thrower tipped his tri-corn hat at Allen in greeting and he stiffened in surprise and recognition.

What the hell was HE doing here?!

Once Lenalee was sufficiently distracted, he went and asked him that exact question. “Aniki, what the hell are you doing in Germany?! I thought you were looking for shishou’s last contact!”

“I was,” he whispered back, his mouth set in a grimace at the mention of the devil-man that called himself their master. Or maybe he meant a different kind of shishou this entire time…? “I had to twist a few arms, but I got a good agreement with them in exchange for information from time to time on _his_ whereabouts.” Unlike Allen, who’d given in and called Cross master, he still resisted quite impressively.

“After that I joined this circus to travel a little closer to where you were, free of charge!” he winked at the end, startling a laugh out of his little brother, who slowly relaxed with all of the information he’d just received.

“Just be careful, alright? This town has been repeating the same day for some time now, it appears.”

“Eh?! That’s why I’ve been doing the same routine this entire time?!” The boy scowled and Allen laughed again at his brother’s expression. “Fuck, I had _no_ idea what the hell was going on!”

Three “days” later, the boy’s howl of absolute anger over his brother’s state brought an unholy shiver going down all of the Noahs’ spines.

* * *

“Allen!” Lenalee called out, knocking on his door. “Wake up! Komui called us to his office over an hour ago!”

“Come on, Moyashi,” Lavi goaded. “Wake up already!”

The two continued to shout at the door, Kanda behind them glowering sullenly at the door uncaring of getting the boy on the other side.

Finally the door opened, but not to whom they were expecting. “God, can you two just shut the fuck up?” That froze the two in shock as they stared at the teen who’d answered the door. He was a bit taller than Allen and had striking red hair that was partially covered by the tri-corn hat on his head. He was also shirtless, showing off his scarred chest.

Lenalee caught herself staring at it when the teen crossed his arms and leaned casually on the doorframe, staring at them with unamused grey eyes. “And who the fuck are you lot?”

The olive-haired girl blushed at being caught and dipped into a brief bow. “Sorry. I’m Lenalee and this is Lavi and Kanda. And you are?” She blinked for a moment and corrected herself. “Sorry, we’ll have to talk later; we’re looking for our teammate. I thought this was Allen’s room?”

The last question was directed at Lavi, but it was the mysterious teen who answered. “It is. He’s still sleeping; we were up a bit late last night.” That caused Lavi and Lenalee to blush, and for Kanda to give him annoyed, disgusted looks. He caught them easily and a smirk appeared, eyes narrowing. “Talking. We were up late _talking_. Get your minds out of the gutter, perverts.”

As Lavi and Kanda sputtered in denial and Lenalee blushed harder, Allen appeared behind the red-haired boy, and leaned on him tiredly. The boy gave their friend a small frown. “What are you doing up?”

“I heard the shouting,” Allen reported dully, eyes half-lidded in exhaustion. “And the bed was cold.”

“Hm.” The boy’s frown grew a little, before turning into a scowl as he turned to take in the three outside their door. “What the fuck are you still doing here? Unless you were looking for a show, Allen will be at Komui’s office in half an hour, and then he gets to eat after that.” His eyes narrowed. “If you _were_ looking for a show, I can tell you _exactly_ where you can stick your Innocence, especially dragon lady over there,” he gestured to Kanda, and then slammed the door in their faces.

They stared at the door in a stunned silence that was eventually broken by howls of rage and laughter from Kanda and Lavi respectively.

* * *

“So…who exactly are you?” Komui asked curiously, eyeing the redhead that was sitting next to Allen, his arms folded across his chest.

“You’re the one with the sister-complex, right?” Lavi coughed in surprised laughter and Komui came to a sputtering halt in his questioning at the blunt inquiry, staring at the boy in confusion. The boy nodded to himself at the supposed confirmation. “I’m Red, Allen’s brother.”

“Older or younger?” Komui asked, curiosity overriding indignation.

Red snorted, annoyed. “How the hell should we know, you damn Siscom? It’s not like our mom’s been around for us to ask. We think older.”

Lavi snorted again, but Red just smirked and glanced at him. “Don’t be too smug, chump. You’ll be getting a nickname soon enough as well.”

The other redhead looked at him with some apprehension and whined, “Why doesn’t Lenalee have one?”

“She does. It’s Boots.”

“…That’s not creative at all.”

Red bristled and glowered at the unimpressed Lavi. “Well I didn’t ask for your opinion now did I, you poor excuse for a pirate?!”

Allen threw back his head and laughed as his brother got into a squabble with one of his new friends, and Lenalee and Komui were struck with the realization that it was the first time they’d heard Allen express sincere amusement.

* * *

“So why are we being sent to this town?” Allen asked curiously, and Komui answered with a tick mark on his forehead.

“ _You_ are being sent there because of the rumors of a certain man being seen there, a man that we need to get into contact with as soon as possible.” He shuffled some of the extensive papers on his desk, forcefully ignoring the amused snort from the one sitting next to Allen.

“Sorry, Onii-sama, but Allen and I are a set. Can’t have one without the other.” Red grinned and threw an arm over Allen’s chair, and Komui’s eye twitched before he furrowed his brow in confusion.

“…Anyway, we’re sending you two as you are more familiar with the target.”

“Oh?” Allen asked curiously, opening the folder. “People-searches aren’t that common for the Black Order…” Red leaned over to get a look as well.

Komui and Lenalee were ready to tackle Allen to keep him in place, but what they weren’t expecting was for Allen to sigh in resigned understanding or for Red to begin cackling. _Loudly_.

A continent away General Cross felt a foreboding chill overtake him and decided on the spot that Singapore sounded lovely this time of year. All the while a hated cackle rang in his ears, pushing him faster than his previous speed of “getting the fuck out of there”.

“Don’t worry, Onii-sama,” Red snickered, muffling the sound in his brother’s shoulder as Allen began collecting the needed folders. “We’ll find Allen’s wayward master for you, if he’s there.”

“Why are you calling me Onii-sama?”

Red paused, then sent a guilty look in Lenalee’s direction. “You haven’t told him yet? Sorry if I ruined the surprise you were planning.” He then stood from his chair and ran out of the room with arm hooked with Allen’s. “I’ll leave you to tell him the happy news. I’d make you my best man, but that’ll clearly be Allen. Later!”

The ear-piercing scream that came from the office was only made worse by Red’s amused cackles.

The Finders just shook their heads then discretely checked the betting pools, cursing quietly when they realized that Allen had won again, placing his bet under “Komui fearing a new word”.

* * *

“You know,” Red said conversationally, hanging upside down above razor-sharp fangs, “these things remind me of Sophia.”

“I think they’re Sophia’s kids,” Allen admitted, cooing at all of the plants which began to calm under the white-haired boy’s hands.

“What?” Red looked honestly confused for a moment, before realization struck him and he chuckled. “No, no. I didn’t mean Sophia the plant. I meant that one lady Cross was with for like a week.”

Allen’s brow furrowed for a second before it cleared. “Oh, her. The dominatrix, right? With the fetish for us to pretend to be their kids.”

Red blew out a sigh. “Yeah. I’m actually surprised she lasted a week, to be honest.”

“If I remember correctly, she was experimenting, and shishou is typically happy to be the testing dummy for those kinds of things.”

“Um,” Lavi looked a little green when the brothers glanced at him. “Can you guys _stop_? I may be a future Bookman, but that doesn’t mean I want to know about your master’s sex life.”

“Neither did we, and look where that got us,” Red muttered sourly. “More aware than we’ve ever wanted to be about a person’s sex life, especially someone as old as Cross. I mean, how does he even get it up anymore?”

“LALALALA,” Lavi didn’t even care if the plants killed him at this point, he was covering his ears damn it all.

* * *

“Welcome to the team, Sparkles!” Red said gaily, leaning on his brother and grinning at the confused man.

“Er…thank you?” Krory fortunately just rolled with the nickname, a wise move when the person you were talking to reinvented the meaning of the word “insane” every other week when he felt like it.

“Why Sparkles?” Lavi asked, secretly jealous of the nickname. It was more respectable than the ones Red had bestowed on him thus far, and that was saying something.

As if to prove it, Red waved his hand dismissively at Lavi. “Isn’t that obvious, Cuddlekins?” Lavi made a garbled hissing sound and Bookman coughed to hide the laugh that had nearly escaped. “He lived in a castle, he wears dark dramatic capes, and he seduces young women into his arms. He’s clearly some rich, posh ponce with sparkles and roses and shit surrounding him whenever he smiles. Or talks. Or eats.” Red frowned for a moment, then returned to grinning. “You get my point.”

“I really wish I didn’t,” Lavi muttered as Allen nodded sagely to his brother’s words.

* * *

As Allen smiled sweetly at the men across from them and slowly stripped them of every article of clothing they had on during the poker game, Lavi looked around for Red. Only to find him somewhat behind him and eyeing Allen carefully.

“Afraid of your own brother?” Lavi teased, and Red shot him a flat.

“You bet I am.”

Lavi stared at him. “…Seriously?”

“Snuggle Muffin,” Lavi twitched, “this side of Allen has provided for at least half of the food that has sustained us throughout our globetrotting with that man-whore my brother calls shishou. I love my brother, and respect the hell out of his card playing skills, but I will _never_ play poker with him, because I still have some self-respect. And that is something that this side of Allen will enjoy taking from me. But I won’t let it. I won’t.” He looked close to hyperventilating or bursting into tears at that point, and Lavi took a discrete step further away from Allen.

Whatever else Red was going to say was lost as he narrowed his eyes at the man with the thick glasses in the middle of the other players. He stared at the man for a while longer, before hissing like an angered cat and plopping down beside his brother, fear replaced by abhorrence as his eyes remained locked on the glasses-wearing man.

Once they were gone Red finally relaxed and dragged his brother into the seat next to his. “Burn those cards.”

Allen gave him a look. “Why? Now we don’t have to look for games already started.”

“Burn them. He could have done… _things_ to them.” The way he said made it perfectly clear what _things_ Red thought he did to them but Allen just laughed.

“Honestly, you’re so distrusting!”

“He was mentally undressing you the entire time you guys were playing!” Red sighed in frustration. “Fine. You can keep the stupid cards, but promise you’ll have your whistle on hand!”

“Red…” Allen sounded exasperated.

“ _Promise_!”

“Alright, alright, I promise!” Allen laughed again but Lavi was a bit afraid to find out what whistle they were talking about.


End file.
